Ardelia Liptow: We have adopted three children. My older two children, we lived in base housing and our youngest son, that we adopted this year, we had just moved into a rental house.They do like you to begin the home study, in the home that you will be living in, when you go through the adoption process. It does not matter, if it is a rental or one that you are buying.
Marquetta Gimm: Let me be clear: we are not renting because we couldn't afford to buy at the time. Just wanted to make that point.
Jestine Osumi: She was just having second thoughts. I would imagine that be very traumatic ---handing over your flesh and blood to someone.
Serita Hefferon: If Mom was hoping she'd be able to parent, it makes a lot of sense. Putting her child in foster care gives her time to work on a caseplan and get services in place. She'd have several months before her parental rights could be terminated, and while there's no guarantee a parent can get her child back, ad! option is guaranteed permanent. Having her child in foster care would give her a chance to access assistance and get her life in order.Now of course, some people can't. Some people are in situations that are so deeply problematic that they can't really be resolved with a few months of working a caseplan. But foster care would have given her the opportunity to try, whereas adoption means permanently surrendering the child from the start.Healthy babies won't be "raised in foster care." There is a tremendous demand to adopt the young ones. Her baby would be adopted quickly if she couldn't get him back, not bounced between homes, and most foster homes are not the hellholes portrayed in TV or movies.My guess is the mother was hoping that she would be able to get it together and parent if she could access some supports in the meantime. Why she decided against that, I don't know. I hope it was really her decision, not one she was pressured or coerced into. But most mothers do love! their babies... and on that basis, can you truly not see want! ing more time to try?...Show more
Hwa Waterford: What's it like to be a foster parent? What's it like to be a foster child?
Emilie Santmyer: When my wife and I finalized our first adoption many years ago we were living in a rented home and it was never an issue. We own our home now and our second adoption was just completed this past summer and again, it never came up. All they were concerned about, whether you own or rent, is that you can support yourselves and your family. Many people don't own and many people do. As long as you can afford it is all that matters in most areas.
Keneth Mailhot: It depends on your area (for example, in some cities only the very wealthy own homes and most people rent, so obviously owning a home wouldn't be expected,) but it's unlikely to be a dealbreaker regardless of where you live. They look more at overall financial stability than single factors like that.The bigger concern would be your planned move. I still don't th! ink that would be enough to disqualify you, but you'd need to make clear that you have a plan for the transition, and will still be available for followup after your move.Some private agencies may require you to own a home, but I'm not aware of any states that do. The children in state foster care are very in need of adoptive homes, so I hope you'll at least consider them, rather than assuming the child you adopt must be a newborn....Show more
Mildred Pombo: "She was told there was a good chance she would never be able to have custody of him"...that means there was a chance that she would be able to have custody of her child, maybe a slim chance, but a chance.So, she took that chance, and placed him in temporary foster care. In the past, and in some cases, foster care is still intended to help parents get help so that they can keep and raise their children.I would guess that is what happened. Adoption always represents loss, for mother and child. it is not a small los! s, and not something to be dismissed....Show more
Alonso Crehan: ! it rather isn't any longer unlawful on your organic and organic kinfolk to have touch with you, nevertheless your adoptive kinfolk feels an contract has been broken with them. Your interest and can desire to correctly known greater is very human and typical, and so are your adoptive mum and dad' emotions of outrage and anger. they're terrified of "dropping" you and can't see that their recent habit alienates you. you are able to no longer "convince" everybody to establish issues out of your attitude or experience your individual emotions. all the folk in touch right here have a "previous" together, which became into relatively retaining removed from one yet another. You ALL also have a destiny together-- you will go forward in time with the two your adoptive kinfolk and organic and organic kinfolk-- so attempt to contemplate that your strikes might desire to take all human beings into consideration. evaluate compromise, persistence, tolerance for emotions and behaviors you ! do unlike acceptable now. You remember deeply to lots of those human beings, especially people who've cared for you daily for 17 years, and you should think of of the thank you to deal with this time in a manner that helps all of you get right into a greater useful relationship interior the destiny years yet to come....Show more
Filiberto Amauty: Oh the drama bestowed upon someone else because I thought for a moment that if my child went to foster care I might have a slim chance of getting him back. What a horrible person she is, and you obviously have never been in a position to have to surrender your child.
Antone Bual: No, it doesn't matter at all. The agency doing your home study only needs to establish that you have the means to support a child, no criminal record, seem like reasonable parents etc. you don't have to own a home, have a dog etc. With most domestic adoption in the US the mother will choose the adoptive family, so perhaps some will prefer a cou! ple that owns a home, but I doubt that is much of a factor either. We w! ere living in CA when we adopted and did own a home, but nobody cared about that at all....Show more
Babette Deloe: http://adoptionagencyratings.com should have a list.
Timmy Bustard: 2
Marcellus Exler: People have a right to their opinion including telling you that IA is bad so go ahead and report them but that will just give out the message that you are a selfish person who doesn't want to be educated. I have three cousins that were internationally adopted. They are all happy well adjusted adults but all would have preferred to be raised in their countries of origin particularly as two are black Africans and one Malaysian. They were raised in a 'white' area so all felt different just because of their colour nor do they feel that they quite fit in with the white culture or their own culture. Do your own research as google is a good search bar....Show more
Lorine Helwick: Before you are so quick to judge her, please try to put yourself in her sho! es... How would you feel if someone told you you had very little chance of parenting your child? I know I would not dwell on the chance of NOT parenting because in my mind I would hear that there was also a slim chance that I could eventually parent my child. Cut this Lady some slack... She just gave birth and was basically being forced to give up her baby. It sounds like the only control she really had was whether she was going to give her child up voluntarily or if it would be involuntarily.As for the "Good Christian couple"... Seems that the Christian thing to do would have been to be a foster parent to this baby giving Mom a chance to get her life in order and parent her son. If that didn't work out, THEN they could apply to adopt him. Instead, they now have to explain to their son that his mother had absolutely no choice in the adoption....Show more
Elinore Schlinker: She was most likely in denial about her own situation. I am sorry to hear about the drama she ga! ve to your friends, but very glad to hear it all worked out in the end.!
Catheryn Small: It prob wasn't about foster care. I gave a baby up for adoption to a good Christian family in 2008 so I know how hard it is. If you actually see the baby, your motherly instincts kick in and you just can't let the baby go. She was prob trying to find a loophole in the system to allow her to keep her baby because of this. Saying "no" at the hospital bought her some time to figure things out. I opted not to see the baby in the nursery because I knew it would be hard. I cried when I saw him come out and knew he wasn't going home w/me. I choose adoption because the father wanted nothing to do w/him and I don't believe in a baby being born into a single parent. A child needs mommy and daddy or some things just aren't going to be right w/him or her. You have to put yourself in her shoes...say you had a baby and had to give him up for adoption...how would you feel? All sorts of hormones are released upon giving birth and you become overwhelmed w/emotion and ! just don't know what to do. It wasn't about her choosing foster care, it was simply about her buying time to find a way to either keep the baby or find someone in her family to do so. Emotions are crazy upon delivering a baby and that family needs to understand that. It's still hard to think that I could have that baby sitting right next to me right now and he's w/someone else...and it's almost been two years!!!...Show more
Hipolito Rightmire: As a foster parent we are called on to care for a child who comes with a lot of baggage; usually. We care for them, we take them to doctors multiple times because most have hidden physical problems that are only found while in our care. We transport them out of state to see specialists. We have heaps of paperwork to keep track up. counselors are weekly and out of area usually as our the dentists and eye doctors. Why do we do it????Because we Love these kids and most feel called to do it. Sometimes we make the difference between ! a regular loving foster family or an institution for the child. Sometim! es they have already called every other home on the list and we are that workers last call. We do it because we care. If it was the money we would run hard and fast the other direction------it's not enough money---the love is enough.We have several workers coming in our home weekly,monthly~~~the case worker, the CASA worker, counselors, birth to 3 workers, and our beloved Foster Parent Support Specialist.When the child leaves we grieve their loss but happy if they got to go home, We worked with many of the p[parents who soon become our Friends. We even get to see those kids later and have phone calls---in some instances.We do it because we know we are blessed~~~~to be able to hold a bruised and broken child and to help that child heal. And if parental rights are terminated we have first chance to adopt. And out of our 100 kids we adopted 2 and took legal guardianship of 2 others....Show more
Tyrone Disanti: I think it is quite obvious why- you have no idea how much y! ou're going to love your baby until you give birth to him/her. I have two kids. When I was pregnant with my second, I remember crying because I was so worried that my 2nd baby would make my 3-year-old sad because he wouldn't be the only child anymore, and he had always been the center of my husband's and mine's existence! Even though the pregnancy was very much wanted, and I did love my new baby boy, I hadn't yet FALLEN for him. The minute he came out of me and was placed in my hands, this rush came over me. I fell so hard I can't use words to describe it. Worrying about how my older son would feel went out the window lol (right or not)! What is my point? I know from experience many times you don't really know how much you truly LOVE your baby until he or she is placed in your arms. That is usually when it hits you like a ton of bricks. Hearing about mothers being pushed into giving up their flesh and blood on this board make me want to vomit. This mother may have had some ! issues, but she should have been given the chance to parent her OWN chi! ld, and that is likely what she was trying to do. She probably had no idea that she would feel a love so intense for her child, until he was placed in her arms. I'm sorry, but the disappointment or sadness an PAP feels when an adoption "falls through" (their words, not mine) is NOTHING compared to what a mother relinquishing a child she gave birth to feels!!! I've never placed a child for adoption, but my heart breaks for moms who have. I can't even imagine the pain. I would rather have all of my limbs cut off with a rusty saw and be set on fire then go through the pain of losing any of my babies. Try to have some sympathy for this poor mother who most likely wanted to parent her son, and that was taken away from her....Show more
Nikita Schroepfer: smarmy: No I have never been in the position to have to surrender a child...but I have had to wait a long to time for my child and there was a point where we thought we were going to lose her.So don't point fingers for me a! sking a simple questions
Eldridge Rieves: If you were all set to put your baby up for adoption, you knew if you didn't put your baby up for adoption the baby would go into the state foster system and you knew there is a good chance you probably won't get that baby back, why back out after picking out good adoptive parents for that baby. Why back out when you chose a better life for that baby? Okay I knew a couple this happened with recently they were all set up to adopt a baby boy. They couldn't have kids of their own despite years of trying. They are a good Christian couple and a good loving family.The mother decided to put her baby up for adoption because she wasn't allowed to keep him (I don't know if she was in jail or what) but the baby was going to go into the foster system and she was told there was a good chance she would never be able to have custody of him.Anyways the adoption was all set and he was born and they couple traveled 5 hours to go get him. ! The day the papers were to be signed and the baby (we will call him Nat! han) was ready to go home, mom backed out and decided she wanted to keep him. Well she had until the final friday to change her mind again, that day she would also have to turn over the baby to DCS. Well the couple went home devastated and more so they couldn't understand why she would rather have that baby raised in foster care than in a loving home with 2 adoptive parents.Finally early that Friday morning the couple gets a call and is told that she changed her mind again and to come up there, she was ready to sign the papers and they could bring him on home that day.So it worked out well for everyone especially baby Nathan.My question is what possibly could have gone through her mind to make her change her mind originally about the adoption. She knew what his fate would be if she kept him. If she kept him she wouldn't have him anyways.I'm just kind of curious why you would choose sending your kid to foster care over a loving family with little chance of ever gettin! g to raise him?...Show more
Inge Mclaurine: No I am not considering foster care...I have my own reasons and people should respect that. if you want to go on and tell me intl. adoption is bad or whatever then fine but you will be reported.
Maurice Breuning: we are adopting through foster care and they told us it did not matter if we owned or rented a house or apartment or trailer. Just as long as we could support and care for and love a child and be good parents. some private agencies may have their own rules though.
Faviola Dewire: I think that you are going to be moving would be a consideration. And I think it would be a difference in where you live. Renting in NYC wouldn't be a big deal. It has only been a year or two, can you afford a home a home now? I would ask your lawyer.
Curtis Josef: Also just out of curiosity does this happen much?
Florencia Manolakis: She had her reasons, and she doesn't have to share them with anyone. This is why p! re-birth matching is so wrong. There is no reason for a family to go t! hrough this. There is no reason for a mother to feel pressured into adoption because she is afraid of hurting the feelings of the family. There is no reason for a baby to be in the middle of all that.She had reasons to try to put him in foster care, and they are her own business....Show more
Carter Dewater: No it does not effect weather or not you get the child. It is for information purpose only.
Pasquale Pollet: Simple - with a kid in foster care, there's a chance of getting it back, with adoption, there's not ('cept in úber exceptional circumstances). Perhaps she wanted the chance that has now been denied to her of raising her own kid?Speaking as someone who was abandoned to adoption at 7mths old, I honestly and truly wish that I'd been aborted instead of abandoned to adoption.I didn't have a bad adoption - my afamily are the best I could ever have chosen... but if I'd been able to choose, and I'd known then what I know now, I'd've chosen to be aborted bef! ore birth instead, 'cause at least that way the lifetime of agony I've gone through would've been over in minutes, instead of the decades that I've been suffering for now.I've been in reunion with my bfam for a few months now, and even that's proving to be completely agonising.Taken from Nancy Verrier's book, Coming Home to Self: http://www.nancyverrier.com/self_book.phpFor the adoptee every day is a challenge of trying to figure out how to be, although he probably doesn't understand the difficulty this presents for him. It has been true his whole life and, therefore, feels normal. However, it takes a great deal of energy and concentration. And it never feels quite right. He never quite fits. Therefore he feels as if /he/ is never quite right.(pg 50)Abandonment and neglect are reported to be the two most devastating experiences that children endure - even more devastating then sexual or physical abuse. That's why some neglected children do naughty things to get attention. E! ven though the attention is hurtful - being yelled at, hit, or otherwis! e harmed - it is better than neglect. /Anything/ is better than abandonment. Abandonment is a child's greatest fear. For adoptees, it is also reality, embedded in their implicit and unintegrated memory.(pg 102)It is sometimes difficult to spot grief in children. After all, it isn't as if the child sits in a puddle of tears his entire childhood. As one adoptee said, "Of course I played, laughed, sang. Do people think that if you're not sitting in a corner with your head on your knees, you are not sad? I had happy times, but the sadness was always there, even when I was having fun."(pg 117)Please read back through a few months worth of resolved questions in here http://answers.yahoo.com/dir/index?sid=2115500138 and then go read through all of the books and links listed at http://7rin-on-adoption.dreamwidth.org/tag/recomme......Show more
Mario Stricklan: It shouldn't hurt you in your homestudy that you are renting. What the social worker may be more interested is your p! lans for relocating and how that will affect your child. If you move before the adoption is complete, you will need to do a homestudy update. Also, now would be a great time to BUY a house very cheap. Anyway, I guess whether or not you should wait to do the homestudy depends on how soon you are planning to buy a house.
Nadia Crauswell: That depends on you and your lifestyle. For some renting IS the best option. Practical? Probably renting. Better? Nothing like being in your own property without someone living below or above you, where you dictate, within reason, the noise levels. But that comes with costs, lots of costs and YOU bear all those costs, all the upkeep, and put up with HOA's telling you what you can and can't even do with your own property in many places. If you do not want to get involved with owning a home then do NOT let anyone tell you that you HAVE to buy instead of rent. Added "Owning. You are actually paying something worth while every month." Oh! you are paying every month and most is for INTEREST and taxes and you ! are not really paying much at all towards "true ownership". Short term buying is very expensive. Here is another eye opener too, for my area, taxes (a figure you never recoup most assuredly in this market except with the tax deduction) are app 3500 per 100K. 200K house will get you a 7000 tax bill monthly. So even if the house is paid off or you pay cash you will have about 700-800 per month, that is taxes and insurance. So even though I own a home that is upside down in value I still pay about 1100 per month on a home I "own" and that does not even take into account repairs and things tha have to be replaced or fixed over the years. I repeat it here again home "ownership" is not inexpensive....Show more
Olen Penhallurick: Owning or Renting isn't the issue as much as your overall Financial ability to provide for a child... These kinds of issues are generally worked out during the process of the Home Study and part of the reason it takes time to complete the home stud! y is that with a good worker all the details about your situation should be disclosed and evaluated.I would NOT start a Home Study if you only intend to stay where you are for a year or two... As in many cases it can take this long from start to the time your child is placed. Moving to a new state and in some cases county would mean that the home study needs to be transferred or started over. It would be far more effective to begin your adoption process in a place you plan to stay for more then a couple of years... Of course, it may also depend on the type of adoption you are considering... I don't know much about infant or private adoption process... The best thing to do in this case is talk with the agency or DHS office you plan to use and see what their recommendation might be.With private adoption in many cases the mother selects the possible parents so renting or owning would be something SHE has the right to consider... With Foster Child adoption it may or may not ! matter one bit since there are about 130,000 children waiting a good ho! me is judged by a different standard (which in some cases ends up tragic). The most important thing should not really be how the HOME is provided but, if the home is a safe, stable and nurturing environment........Show more