is this a good thesis? how to change it?

Daren Ventrice: It's good. Remember not to mention the opposite, or the opponent.

Hilde Heskett: replace the word negative with a stronger word. that will make the thesis stronger.. use a thesaurus and find a replacement for terrible or horrific or something like that. negative kind of just sounds like "eating fatty foods has a negative effect on a womans health" and considering this is about something much more serious, it has to be stronger

Darnell Cutliff: First off, you have a be verb right off the bat. Instead of saying "genital mutation is unethical" say something more like, "Unethical, painful, and potentially life threatening along with many gruesome words describe the procedure known as female genital mutation. This procedure not only negatively affect a woman's health in its inception, but also throughout the remainder of her lifespan."Remember: Be verbs are taboo!Hope this helps :)...Show more

Lue Podewils: It's always best to just say "this i! s what happened" in essence. don't mention it being bad or good. its up to the reader to decide on that.